


December 2001 (Sam)

by sammichgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Stanford Era, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 07:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13313277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammichgirl/pseuds/sammichgirl
Summary: Sam's POV of his first Christmas without Dean.Dean's version here





	December 2001 (Sam)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2017 12DaysofWincestmas challenge, gifted to [deansmixtape](https://deansmixtape.tumblr.com/) who wanted to see how celebrating the holidays worked (or not) for Sam and Dean at various points in their lives.

The holiday break seemed to come quicker than he expected.  Not that it really mattered – Sam wasn’t going anywhere.  But he’d been hitting the books hard these last several weeks, losing himself in his studies.  Anything to keep his mind off making a phone call he both desperately wanted to make and fought like hell to not make.  The holidays meant solitude and quiet while knowing it would only throw him further into his funk.

Now that most everyone had cleared out, he was left to wander the campus freely without having to interact and put on a false smile.  He’d played the role of sweet, friendly freshman this semester well enough, trying to blend in and lose himself in the sea of faces.

Of course, things didn’t always go according to plans.  The hunter life he wanted to walk away from kept finding him.  People needed saving and he was reluctantly available, his conscience wouldn’t let him be so it made sense to stay sharp.  A few easy hunts kept his skills honed, taking on a couple salt and burns and one case where he’d needed backup and reached out to Bobby for help.  Monsters didn’t allow for time off when your last name was Winchester. 

The relief of a hunt being over, the joy that came with knowing your family was alive and well – Sam missed those parts immensely.  He hadn’t had contact with his dad or Dean since he left for Stanford.  He knew the choice he’d made.  Every time he thought about reaching out, his dad’s words rang in his ears and Dean’s face haunted him.  If he tried, would they even answer? 

It was a sunny but chilly day in Palo Alto.  There was a slight breeze, palm trees swaying as he walked by the quad close to his dorm hall.  It certainly didn’t feel like Christmas.  Every decoration he saw seemed out of place, too perfect and tastefully done.  He missed the too-bright plastic, cheap and gaudy décor he remembered from years past.  He ached for stolen kisses and cold night cuddling.

As he entered his room, he felt a small bit of solace.  No decorations, no reminders of what season was here.  He could just tuck himself away to read for pleasure.

Instead he found himself eating pizza and drinking his roommate’s leftover beer while watching a Die Hard marathon, tears streaming down his face.  He looked at the phone a million times before changing into a threadbare Led Zeppelin t-shirt that had lost all scent of leather, whiskey and sweat before crawling under the covers, praying that Dean was ok.


End file.
